Prince Fielder And Miguel Cabrera Should Switch Diets

The Brewers Prince Fielder and the Tigers Miguel Cabrera both received National League MVP votes in 2007. It is questionable whether either will even make the All-Star game this year. A comparison of their 2007 and 2008 stats:

Fielder
2007: .288 AVG 50 HR 119 RBI
2008: .278 AVG and on pace for 27 HR 83 RBI

Cabrera
2007: .320 AVG 34 HR 119 RBI
2008: .276 AVG and on pace for 22 HR 95 RBI

What happened to these guys? The answer is simple: Fielder became a wimp and Cabrera turned into a blimp.

Before the season, Fielder announced that he had gone vegetarian after reading a book given to him by his wife, Chanel (wtf). "After reading that, [meat] just didn't sound good to me anymore," Fielder said. "It grossed me out a little bit." What a pansy. This is a guy who starred in a McDonalds commercial as a kid and now he's screwing up the circle of life by abstaining from meat.

A comparison of his home runs per at-bat in 2007 and 2008:
pre-hippy: 1 HR per 11.46 at-bats
as a hippy: 1 HR per 21.54 at-bats.

A significant decline. Perhaps this will spur some "must eat like a man" clauses in free agent contracts this winter.

On the other end of the spectrum sits Cabrera, who clearly eats anything put in front of him. His weight and fitness problems have been well documented in the past, but they just keep getting worse.

Cabrera came up as an outfielder, but the Marlins moved him to third base because of mobility problems. Several weeks into this season, the Tigers moved him to first base for the same reason. Now, there is talk of moving him to DH. The next step is presumably to ask for a courtesy runner every time he gets on base.

The solution is clear. Fielder needs to substitute some steaks for the tofu and Cabrera needs to mix in a few salads and some running in between games, or just stop eating altogether.