Expect Miguel Cabrera to Miss Time with Tigers

Tigers manager Jim Leyland, can you really be serious when you claim that troubled Tigers first baseman Miguel Cabrera will not be a distraction to the team despite his pending court appearance on charges of drunken driving???

Sure, Skipper, you're absolutely right, and the Lions will go 16-0 and win the Superbowl next year, Studebaker-Packard will resume making automobiles with points on the grill and Jimmy Hoffa will throw out the first ball when the season opens.

Skipper, you say Miguel Cabrera is going to have "the year of his life?" Doing what, sewing baskets at the Betty Ford Clinic?

Fans can fully expect that Miguel Cabrera will miss significant time this year, a minimum of a month from spring training, perhaps two, and perhaps part (or all?) of the regular season. How much downtime is pending is an open question, but if Cabrera is forced to check himself into rehab -- which is expected -- one is compelled to ask how long he will be gone and what kind of playing shape will he be in when he returns.

Rehabilitation, very likely to last a minimum of four weeks, will do Cabrera a lot of good in overcoming what has to be a serious alcohol abuse problem. But it will not help him ready himself for the baseball season. What are his handlers going to do, tell him to cut short his counseling session today so he have some time in the cage or take some grounders?

The last thing psychologists are going to allow Cabrera to be concerned with is baseball. He's got bigger problems.

From now forward, until Cabrera has his difficulties behind him and under control, the Tigers 2011 season is on hold, as far as he is concerned.

No courtroom in Florida -- or anywhere else in this country -- is going to allow Cabrera to jeopardize the public as he did last Wednesday, when he was caught swilling straight Scotch from a bottle as he staggered and weaved by the side of the road while abusing sheriff's deputies next to his smoking automobile.

Can Cabrera try to fight the charges, with the expectation of being found not guilty, being let off with probation or paying a fine? Not a chance. Prosecuting attorneys will lay out a tight script in which Cabrera will be virtually forced to undergo intense intervention and and probationary supervision. There is no way around it.

If he has any idea of getting off, he will be firmly threatened with the loss of his freedom, and his own counsel will warn him of dire consequences if he wants to play the cards any other way.

The court can be fully expected to exact its pound of flesh, with Cabrera's lawyer and both the legal counsel of the Tigers and Major League Baseball acquiescing, to assure that Cabrera resurrects his career only when he's ready to do so, and doesn't wind up driving off a cliff, smashing into a stationwagon being driven by a woman with three children and a dog, or God forbid, a school bus or worse. He is a menace. He will be stopped.

When that has been accomplished, Cabrera can count himself a very lucky man that no one was more hurt than himself, his family and his team.

Prince Fielder And Miguel Cabrera Should Switch Diets

The Brewers Prince Fielder and the Tigers Miguel Cabrera both received National League MVP votes in 2007. It is questionable whether either will even make the All-Star game this year. A comparison of their 2007 and 2008 stats:

Fielder
2007: .288 AVG 50 HR 119 RBI
2008: .278 AVG and on pace for 27 HR 83 RBI

Cabrera
2007: .320 AVG 34 HR 119 RBI
2008: .276 AVG and on pace for 22 HR 95 RBI

What happened to these guys? The answer is simple: Fielder became a wimp and Cabrera turned into a blimp.

Before the season, Fielder announced that he had gone vegetarian after reading a book given to him by his wife, Chanel (wtf). "After reading that, [meat] just didn't sound good to me anymore," Fielder said. "It grossed me out a little bit." What a pansy. This is a guy who starred in a McDonalds commercial as a kid and now he's screwing up the circle of life by abstaining from meat.

A comparison of his home runs per at-bat in 2007 and 2008:
pre-hippy: 1 HR per 11.46 at-bats
as a hippy: 1 HR per 21.54 at-bats.

A significant decline. Perhaps this will spur some "must eat like a man" clauses in free agent contracts this winter.

On the other end of the spectrum sits Cabrera, who clearly eats anything put in front of him. His weight and fitness problems have been well documented in the past, but they just keep getting worse.

Cabrera came up as an outfielder, but the Marlins moved him to third base because of mobility problems. Several weeks into this season, the Tigers moved him to first base for the same reason. Now, there is talk of moving him to DH. The next step is presumably to ask for a courtesy runner every time he gets on base.

The solution is clear. Fielder needs to substitute some steaks for the tofu and Cabrera needs to mix in a few salads and some running in between games, or just stop eating altogether.